


Elven Blood

by Yngvildr the Voracious (Yngvildr_the_Voracious)



Series: Claudia Lavellan [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Lavellan born in the city taken in by Clan Lavellan at a young age, Prepare to be heartbroken, Racism, other warnings apply but i hate spoilers, sad fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-03-03
Packaged: 2018-03-16 04:33:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3474581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yngvildr_the_Voracious/pseuds/Yngvildr%20the%20Voracious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Claudia Lavellan struggles with the idea to give birth to a human child.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Elven Blood

Fainting was not in the habits of Claudia Lavellan. Nope. Yet, today, as she drew her longbow, she felt a faint weakness in her arm. She felt unsure. Tired.

When they crashed onto their bedrolls in camp, she fell more heavily than her companions. She overslept. 

Claudia never overslept. She was always the first to wake up. So much to do to prove herself worthy of the Elvhen. Then the Breach, the Anchor, the demons and long, long days scouring Thedas to gather allies, to close rifts, to defend the integrity of this world. As the days went by and their mission went on and on, Claudia grew more and more tired.

 

"Boss!" she heard ahead of her.

 

Claudia always walked in the front. _Elgar'Nan!_ She was a damn scout!

 

"I'm just here, Bull!" she tried to cheerfully shout back.

 

After a long, long fight against a dragon spitting lightning bolts in very wet hot springs, she was really starting to feel it. She stayed behind for the rest of the trip, nursing burns and dragging feet.

When she woke up at Skyhold in her bed, she was startled. She first wondered if the heart of the snow wyvern was still fresh enough to give to Vivienne. Then she shook her head. This was a ridiculous thought. She took in a deep breath, expecting to sigh loudly to herself, but instead of just air, her whole empty stomach lurched and turned, making her whole belly and her throat ache with the need to retch. She filled her chamber pot with a vile tasting yellow liquid during the next hour.

Oh, puking on an empty stomach was not in the habits of Claudia Lavellan. She couldn’t. She had no time. She had people to save, a clan to look up to. She closed her eyes and wept.

 

*

**

*

 

 

Claudia had always loved the smell of embrium. It reminded her of the wilderness, of Alayne.

Now the thick and sugary smell of the potent plant was enough to make her feel like she was going to cough back her stomach onto the floor. She slapped her own hand across her mouth and let herself fall onto the nearby wall, willing her head to stop spinning.

 

“Are you unwell, Inquisitor?” a soft grave voice asked behind her.

 

He was coming from the chapel of course, that’s where she was going to be honest. She had been craving his presence in these days where her body was failing her.

 

“According to all the specialists I’ve seen, I’m as healthy as an ox.” she managed to retort, a bit too harshly.

 

His smile only widened. His brown eyes lit up and Claudia wanted to pass her hand through his hair. She knew he wanted to do the same.

 

“May I escort you, My Lady?” he asked, offering up his arms in a very proper manner.

 

Claudia shook her head, not trusting herself to speak. She always refused. She will never appear weak at the arm of a shem. Len. A shemlen. Besides, she was still his boss. When she stumbled on the step toward the garden proper, he was there, though and he locked her arm in his, carefully. She felt his warmth and looked with tired eyes for any too curious eyes, any gossipy tongue. There was none. Lady Morrigan was engrossed in a book, Adan was busy tending the plants and the gardens were empty.

 

“Adan is gathering the plants that are more potent when collected at dawn, from what I… Umm… Gathered.” Cullen explained.

 

Claudia chuckled. Because she liked how Cullen could sometimes be flustered in her presence and because she was proud that her nausea had receded.

Adan left with his collection of herbs, Morrigan left her book and flew away an hour later and Cullen and Claudia were left alone under the gazebo for several hours again before people flooded the gardens for strolls. That is when they fled for his quarters.

It was only when she was properly clothed and cleaned and both were back to work that she realised that she had not bled in months.  

 

*

**

*

 

“I know it exists, don’t lie to me, shemlen!” she hissed at the alchemist, holding him by the collar of his robes down onto the table with a strength she had thought gone for days. It felt good.

“I told you, I don’t have the ingredients here. You used the last of the elfroot to brew potions for your expedition into the Arbor Wilds and…”

“Elfroot is for healing, I don’t want it healed, I want it gone!” she snarled, butting her head against his in her frustration.

 

She had yelled at the sky in a secret trip down the mountain, but there wasn’t anything to kill or to maim but the snow and a few mountain goats. She felt ashamed. Adan had saved her life several times. Adan didn’t deserve to have his nose broken because he couldn’t brew a wise woman’s potion. And he didn’t have to obey the Inquisitor because he wasn’t part of the Inquisition anymore.

 

“Elfroot is not for the child, but for your womb. If there’s not elfroot in this particular potion, you won’t conceive another child again.” he managed to sneeze through the blood filling his nose and mouth.

 

Claudia cooled down when she saw Adan proudly stand back when she removed her hands from his neck. She spotted rags next to her and sheepishly offered them to him.

 

“Thanks to you, I have to dig into your healing potions stores.” Adan spat after he cleaned himself, throwing back a vial into his mouth and applying a poultice. “Hope you’ll count this one as gone already when you’re in the field.”

 

Claudia sat down on the spare chair in the small cluttered study, her head in her hands, elbow resting on both her thighs.

 

“I’m sorry.” she croaked. “I just… I… I fought so hard to be fully accepted by the clan, I… I can’t have a… _a human’s get_.” she confessed through the lump in her throat. She tried hard not to cry, but it was futile. The big salty tears were already leaving a bitter taste in her mouth.

 

She felt Adan’s gaze on her offered neck. He reached for her shoulder and she broke and exploded in sobs.

 

“Do you love him?” he asked.

 

Claudia’s tears doubled.

 

*

**

*

 

Not telling him was a torture. Carrying it was a torture. She was carrying a little human in her womb. She should purge it and yet, she couldn’t without telling anyone. They had all the elfroot based concoctions they needed…

You know… It’s not an advice, it could kill your womb as surely as an elfroot-free purging potion would, but… Exertion could do the trick. Maybe simply fighting Corypheus and his forces would... Flush it out. Hopefully without claiming you as well.

They’d know. But she’d be rid of it. And Cullen would be devastated. She knew him now, he was such a… A softie. He’d fuss over her, grieve, thinking she grieved this life too. She shuddered.

She loved him, yes. That’s why she didn’t want him to know. This was rare anyway, Adan told her. Cross-species reproduction. Not the act, the consequences. If he knew all of it, he’d respect her, in the end. She might lose him.

She might lose him just by going back to her clan. What was she thinking! She scolded herself the whole way to the elven temple, tried to focus on it, but she couldn’t. The forward camp was busy, but the life in her was all she could think about.

She couldn’t… She shouldn’t…

She stumbled upon Cullen when the Temple gates were in sight. His eyes shone with worry and pride both.

 

“Be safe, Inquisitor.” he yelled.

 

Claudia was doomed.

When she came back, she was exhausted by the Eluvian’s magic and the events of the Temple of Mythal. She almost fainted over Adan’s desk clutching some spare Elfroot she had grabbed quickly before stealthily making her way to the chief alchemist.

She sighed and Adan looked intently at the woman.

Claudia stared at the bowl of steaming potion in his hands.

She shivered and spilled it on the floor before fleeing the room.

 

*

**

*

She didn’t remember her parents well, just Alayne talking about them. Of Elvhen memory, Alayne was the sole human allowed to step foot in an aravel. She did every time the clan stopped by Starkhaven. She brought food and such without expecting anything in return. And she brought gingerbread.

Claudia tried not to want gingerbread, but with Wintersend approaching, the smell of the loved little cakes being baked in the kitchens of Skyhold brought to her faded memories of a very stoney floor, some straw filling a mattress and hot milk going down her throat as she felt lips, Mommy’s lips, on her forehead.

She shook her head. This was not her life. She barely remembered it, she had forged other memories, her clan was her family and Alayne a convenient saviour. Claudia straightened her shoulders despite craving the silly cookies. With chocolate topping. A glass of milk. Maybe some mint in it… Creators curse those damn…

 

“Gingerbread?” a suave voice she knew too well asked behind her.

 

Claudia grew extremely cold when Cullen presented her with the offending biscuits. She wanted to smash their little smiling faces down and crush them to delicious crumbly bits.

 

“It’s… I’m…” she tried to say. “Sweet.” she managed to croak before she couldn’t help it anymore and cried. She couldn’t help it and his strong arms around her ushering her into a corner with less prying eyes. He rocked her, caressed her hair, kissed her brow exactly how she liked being kissed.

 

“Are you better, Claudia?” Cullen asked, looking worried still, once her weeping stopped.

 

She had to tell him. She couldn’t belong both to him and to her clan. She wanted to kiss his brow like he just did.

 

“What if I can’t do it to…” she started, but stopped just in time. To my child. What if I can’t love him or her because they’re human?

 

A quizzical look on his face, Cullen took hold of her shoulders once more and straightened his back.

 

“You can do it, Claudia. You are the strongest woman I know and I am proud you chose me. I’ll do anything for you. If you told me now that you don’t want to fight Corypheus and would rather flee with me in the wilderness to live of the hunt in the forest like your clan, I’d be severely tempted to follow you. We all have a duty, and it’s normal not to feel up to the task. Nothing is harder than facing such a fearsome creature, but you will not face him alone. I’ll be with you, always.”

 

Claudia’s breathing hitched and caught in her throat. Then she laughed. Hysterically so. Cullen had absolutely no idea of what she was talking about but managed still to find the right words.

 

*

**

*

 

Sometimes she wondered why she decided that. She thought maybe it was Cole. He had heard her thoughts while they camped for the night, they had argued and he had cried.

 

“I wish I could make you forget. It was easier when I could make them forget.” he told her. “I hurt you because I didn’t chose the right words.”

“You didn’t hurt me. Well… It won’t last, I mean!” Claudia had exclaimed before gathering the long limbed teenager into her arms and rocking him.

 

But maybe it was Cullen. How he smiled told her to be safe before she left. She had wondered if it would have his blonde hair or her thick dark curls she streaked with auburn and green paste whenever she went on the hunt to fade into the forest better. Nothing was as naturally black as her hair.

She tried not to hope that he’ll be fair of hair and darker of skin. She failed. One thing was sure, it was going to be human. She had to tell him.

She wanted to tell him. After this last meeting with the advisors. He was right, duty was a calling. They had a little bit of time still, Corypheus was probably holing up somewhere licking his wounds.

Or at the Temple of Sacred Ashes, blowing shit up to draw her out while her troops were still on their way in the dangerous mountain passes of the Frostback…

The look Cullen gave her made her shudder. A strange fluttering in her stomach made her machinally caress her womb. He had seen it, he had guessed it. She was sure of it.

When entered her quarters to properly armour herself, alone, as she had never allowed Cassandra or anyone to beset her with any kind of squire, Cullen was on her heels. Her heart hammering in her chest, she let him take her shoulders once the door was closed.

 

He knew. _Oh Creators, Andraste, Whatever, he knows._

 

He pressed his own palm on her belly, his own breathing laboured as if he had run all the way from Val Royeaux. There were sparks in his eyes, sparks of worry, of pure happiness, of desire. He opened and closed his mouth, as if to speak, but decided against it and pushed her aside, grabbing her gear and helping her in it.

 

“You’d better come back alive, with Corypheus definitely dead and forgotten.” he grumbled.

 

Claudia shook her head at each of his little sentences. When she was ready and secured in her gear, she turned to him.

 

“Cullen… I… It’s hard but…”

 

He hushed her with a kiss.

 

“When you have defeated him and brought back peace in this world, love.” he told her, his eyes burning as if he was feverish. Or crying. She wasn’t sure.

 

Claudia kissed him in turn. This wasn’t a goodbye. This shouldn’t be a goodbye.

 

*

**

*

Claudia’s stomach was roiling like the sea and her legs felt like molten lead. She was exhausted, she was sore all over and she was extremely scared.

It was over. And then, she felt cramps in her lower belly, just after the pain in her hand receded and the rift she opened in the Veil closed onto Corypheus’ ugly and deliciously desperate face.

She hoped very hard it wasn’t from when she fell and rolled all over the flying rocks. Or when the flying temple fell and she was so afraid she was going to die.

So she collapsed and she was almost reassured when familiar arms took a hold of her shivering body.

 

“Cullen?” she calls.

“Yes, I’m here, Claudia. I’m right here. Holding you. I got you, love...”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I’m…” she tries to croak, her teeth’s uncontrollable chatter in rhythm with his beating heart. She is so cold, so she’s grateful he’s not wearing his breastplate but thick riding leathers she can fall into.

“It’s alright, it’s alright…” he hushed her, caressing her cheeks and swiping the tears, sweat and blood from her lips. 

 

Claudia’s eyes wander to her companions, worried looks etched onto their faces.

 

“Where is Solas?” she asks. “I sort of have an announcement…”

“Don’t!” Cole interrupts her.

 

He’s holding her too, they’re all so close. She can see the young man's wet his lips with his tongue. That’s when she realises her thighs are wet too. Is she bleeding? It’s thick like blood anyway. The cramping becomes unbearable. Why is she bleeding?

 

“Solas will probably want to hear it too. He’ll be back.” the spirit boy says very carefully.

“And what better time for an announcement than a party celebrating the Inquisition’s victory over Corypheus, dear?” Vivienne softly adds, her smile really soft and caring, not her usual smirk.

 

Something wet on her forehead makes her raise her eyes to Cullen. Her love.

 

“Don’t cry, _ma vhenan_.” she whispers through the pain. “Don’t cry…”

“I’m not crying, love. I’m not crying.” Cullen assures her as he draws her further into his arms, into oblivion.

 

*

**

*

 

When she hovers her hand above her stomach absently, he takes it. When she stares in the courtyard where some kids orphaned by the war play in between lessons, he calls her name.

They say it’s rare. Not impossible. She’ll have another one. It’ll heal. Cole helps. Solas doesn’t. Sera and Iron Bull steal her drinks at the party at first, until they notice how she’s stiff the whole evening. They stop.

There is no announcement. There is no human growing in her body. She should be glad, she thinks. She can go back to her clan, now… It’s over.

However, she doesn’t. She let’s herself be carried by Cullen instead and piece by piece, block by block, they rebuild. Better, stronger. She likes it, she realizes as they watch the sun rising, soon to tickle the hangovers of the revelers.

 

“I struggled so much to belong. I never did. So a human child wouldn’t have mattered anyway.” she mumbles as they lay in each other’s arms in bed. “Flat ears are never fully part of the clan, they can’t.” she snorted.

“You belong to me.” Cullen told her. “As I belong to you.”

 

Claudia’s hand shivers in his and he squeezes harder, bringing it to his mouth to kiss it. The sun had risen, a new dawn.

 

“So we’re family now?” she asks.

“If you want it.” he assures her, bringing her closer.

 

She can see it in his eyes, how he wants it. She wants it too. She embraces it now.

 

*

**

*

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in the middle of a DAI playthrough where I lost all my civilian workers and thus didn't know Adan was dismissed.  
> I added a small sentence when he gets molested by my very violent Inquisitor to reflect what I only learned in my second playthrough because I can't imagine the new apothecary taking so much shit from Her Worship that way. And I loved Adan, Threnn and Minaeve seriously ! Why couldn't they staaayyy ?


End file.
